Recently my sister had a baby.
Nobody in our family was invited to see him.
She’s currently at a bit of crossroads in her life, rethinking who she wants to be moving forward and the role she wants to play in our family dynamic.
She’s sworn off her religion, distanced herself from her closest friends, distanced herself from family, and is, apparently, the happiest she’s ever been.
The other day my father showed up at her house to say hello and tell my sister he loves her.
She didn’t even go out to see him.
I tell you this because there’s clearly a rift between my sister and us.
I’m not here to talk about whether she’s vindicated for feeling the way she feels about our family.
She has some valid points to be upset with my parents, but the question that keeps coming to my mind is.. what is it doing for you to hold onto these feelings?
This is her life, now, and she gets to play by her rules I suppose.
There’s no doubt, though, that underneath the facade of all this there’s a lot of anger she holds towards my parents.
And in my opinion, it’s sabotaging any hopes she has for a truly peaceful future.
The 1 Thing People At Peace Cultivate
For me, forgiveness is the answer to the question I posed in the headline of this article.
Forgiveness is what people at peace know how to cultivate.
Not bitterness, resentment, or anger.
If she was truly at peace with herself and others then she would’ve let go of everything bad that happened in the past. Getting angry at your father for coming to visit doesn’t really speak “I’m free and liberated” to me.
It tells me there’s still so much pain and hurt beneath the surface.
And I feel bad for her about that.
But the “happiness” she claims to feel is most likely just a high from holding power over our family for the first time ever.
She also feels powerful for being able to go her own way, swearing off her religion and choosing the role she wants to play in our family and her life.
I don’t blame her for feeling good.
I’m happy she finally feels like she has power in her life to make her own decisions.
But stiff arming a family who loves you proves there’s still resentment there and a desire to “make them pay” for what happened before.
That doesn’t scream peace to me, and I wonder whether she realizes that the power she feels now is coming from a source that will ultimately poison her and ruin her chance at being truly free.
What Forgiveness Does For Us
A great article from Mayo Clinic says “If you don’t practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.”
Forgiveness is the mark of somebody who is truly at peace with their world.
There is no room for resentment, anger, or a desire for revenge in a peaceful person content with their life.
I know it’s unfair, but ultimately it’s the inconvenient truth.
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This is the second piece I have read on forgiveness today. Perhaps the universe is sending me a message! Thank you
Sadly, forgiveness isn’t a quality that earns high praise in American culture. It’s often seen as a weakness instead which is a shame because you and I both know that’s not true. Like vulnerability, it’s actually a strength and can give you real power. Wish more people understood that but hopefully this article brings more awareness to that idea.